We all know the rules, right? We're supposed to be thin, but also curvy. We can have some junk in the trunk, but we should also have a tiny waist. Boobs should be big, but not too big. When it comes to skin, it should be smooth, stretch mark free, and like we've always been religious about both sunscreen and Botox. Our features should be symmetrical, our clothing sizes should be single digits, and our teeth straight, shiny, and white as can be. So, no pressure!
The truth is that most of us don't have the time, money, or luxury to spend all day making ourselves look like a long lost Kardashian sister. Heck, some of us are finally (finally) at the stage where we don't actually care about trying to meet an impossible, ever-shifting beauty standard. While it can be hard to resist the constant barrage of cultural messages telling us what we are supposed to hate about ourselves, especially when we spend time in the unnatural world of heavily filtered Instagram posts, it can be so worth it to finally just decide to say "eff it" to all that noise.
We're taking inspiration from 16 moms who've decided to be militantly on their own sides and who love the things about themselves that society thinks they should hate. Read on for some good reminders about why self-love is so much better than trying to please the world.
Imperfect Smile
"I don't have a perfect smile. I've got a pretty good sized gap in my top teeth and my teeth aren't perfectly straight. But I love my smile because it represents the part of me that is quick to laugh. I'm really friendly and approachable and I think my smile shows that." — Dani T., Costa Mesa, California
Stretch Marks Without Shame
"I wanted to be a mommy my whole damn life. It didn't happen for me until I was 46 years old and I am never, ever gonna hate on my body after it made that miracle happen. My stretch marks are proof that my biggest dream finally came true. And that my dream weighted over 10 pounds!" — Torrie H., Washington, DC.
Happy Ginger
"Honestly, I don't know why so many people don't like red hair. Didn't they read Anne of Green Gables enough as a kid? True, I don't love the dumb 'Do the carpets match the drapes' comments I still get sometimes (Tinder is the worst), I really do love my red hair." — Beth D., La Jolla, California
Ambitious
"This isn't a physical thing, but I think society still feels like women shouldn't be open about being ambitious. I love that side of myself. I work really hard and I like being the boss. Having a big career didn't just happen for me. I made it happen because I thought I was smart enough to do it. I love that about myself." — Courtney K., Lexington, Kentucky
A Strong Nose
"It took me a long time to love my strong nose. I grew up in a community where girls getting a nose job as a sweet 16 present wasn't that unusual and I considered it for myself, to be honest. But I've grown to really love my nose and part of that is that I feel like it connects me to people in my family, including some that we lost in the Holocaust. When I look at old family pictures, I see that nose passed down through the generations and I feel connected to my Jewish faith and my family. Remembrance is really important, so I'm glad I didn't try to change that part of myself that reflects my heritage." — Chanda K., Baltimore
Tall Girl
"My dad is 6'9" and my mom is 5'10", so I was never under any illusions that I was going to be an average height person. It was still tough to hit 6'0" in middle school though! I'm 6'3", which is tall for a woman, especially one who'd rather read than play any sport. I used to hunch over a lot and was super shy around guys. Guys have a lot of issues around height, especially women who are 'too tall,' but I've decided that I just don't care anymore. This is the height I am, I can't change it, so I might as well embrace it. My husband is 6'6" and we have two super tall toddlers and we'll never have trouble getting things off the high shelves!" — Kelly W., St. Paul, Minnesota
The A in LGBTQIA
"I don't know if society thinks I should hate this about myself, but I think society doesn't understand it. In the last couple of years (since my divorce) I've figured out that I'm asexual and it has been such a big thing to figure out. I'm the A that doesn't get talked much about in the whole LGBTQIA rainbow, but it's something that is really important to me." — Nicki W., Yakima, Washington
Itty Bitty Committee
"I'm a life long member of the itty bitty titty committee and I used to wish the boob fairy would finally visit me, like maybe when I was pregnant? But even when I was nursing, I was still barely a B cup. But I fell in love with running a few years ago and now I'm glad to be flat chested. Nothing bouncing around and I can wear the cheapest sports bras and be fine." — Janelle G., Toledo, Ohio
Unapologetically Fat
"I'm not curvy. I'm not big boned. I'm not thick. I'm fat. I'm a size 28, 300+ pound woman and I am done hating myself because other people think my body is gross or that I take up too much space. This is the only body I've got and I'm going to love it. Full stop." — Corey K., Des Moines, Iowa
Real Muscles
"I think people or society or whatever want women to be thin and to work out but I think they are uncomfortable with women who are like visably muscular. I love lifting heavy weights and trying to grow my body. The idea of trying to get bigger on purpose makes some people really uncomfortable. But I like being strong AF." — Kim D., Columbus, Ohio
All Natural
"There are certain social rules for Black women. Though it's changing slowly, there is still this whole thing that keeping my hair natural isn't quite as professional looking as getting my hair relaxed. But I love my natural hair and have never relaxed it and never will." — Shanna F., Quincy, Massachusetts
Smaller & Scarred
"I got a breast reduction about five years ago and my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. My breasts are smaller and scarred, which are things that I think I'm supposed to not love, but I love them so much! I'm so much more comfortable not being a triple D." — Aimee W., Barre, Vermont
Keeping It Natural
"I wouldn't say that I 'love' my armpit hair, but I don't shave it and I don't care that people think that is gross. I used to shave and then I got an abcess and had to stop until it healed. I just never started again afterward and it made me realize how dumb shaving is. Why is it so weird to keep it natural? I'm a mammal, damn it!" — Jamie J., Tucson, Arizona
Limb Difference
"I was born with a limb difference, so I only have a partial hand on my left side. I used to feel really ashamed of it, especially when I was a kid because kids were so mean about it. But now I'm proud of all the parts of my body. Partly because I've gotten into a really active golfing group for people with limb differences and partly because I'm too old to care about people being weirded out by my body." — Bethanne S., Roseville, Minnesota
Faithful
"Society is still really anti-Muslim, so I feel like there is a lot of hate for women who are happy to wear the hijab, but I'm proud of my faith and proud to wear something that shows my heritage. People may not understand it, but I'm not here to make other people happy." — Ada M., St. Paul, Minnesota
Love All the Sizes
"In my adult life, I've weighed everything from 123 pounds to 320 pounds. I've loved myself at every size because my weight isn't the most important thing about me. My brains, my kicka– mom skills, my heart, none of that changes as my weight goes up and down." — Marlee E., Mesa, Arizona
