As parents, we do our best to protect our children. Whether that be physically or emotionally, it's hard not to step in when we know our kids could be hurt by something or someone. Even if they are only words, emotional pain can be just as anguishing as physical. And it can be particularly tough when we see our kids experiencing a similar pain to one we had growing up.
We have all probably felt the pain of a bully who made fun of us for something we simply couldn't control, and when someone picks on our kids for the same thing, it can be gut-wrenching. A mom recently wrote to Slate's Care and Feeding column looking for advice about dealing with mean kids who've made so much fun of her 7-year-old daughter's body hair that the child wants to shave it all off. The mom experienced the same as a kid and just wants it to stop.
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The child is fairly young.
Her mom explained that she is only in first grade, and kids are already pointing out that she has light skin and dark hair. The little girl can't help it, and her feelings are hurt.
"I remind her that she is perfect as is, that everyone has hair, and that people shouldn't comment on other's people's bodies, but none of this stops it from hurting her feelings. Recently, she even asked me if I could wax her face after someone mentioned her upper lip!" the shocked mom wrote.
The mom is afraid it's only going to get worse.
From her experience as a kid with dark body hair, she knows that the teasing likely will not end any time soon. As her daughter gets older, she expects it will get worse, and she needs help teaching her daughter how to combat the mean comments.
"It breaks my heart that my wonderful daughter is already facing this nightmare in the first grade; I went through a similar thing as a kid (genetics!) and I know it really sucks and created my own issues with my body hair," she shared. "I expect this will only get worse as she has pressure to shave her legs, etc. Is there a script for me to help her get through this, and more importantly, a script for her when kids comment on her hair?"
This isn't easy to fix.
Care and Feeding agreed that the mom is in a tough spot. Kids are going to be mean even if her daughter tries to tell them to stop, and she will likely continue to be hurt. But just because she is young, it doesn't mean she can't take measures to remove the hair if both the mom and daughter are fine with that solution.
"My takeaway is this: It absolutely sucks that society dictates what a person is 'supposed' to look like, and that kids learn this lesson at such a young age," the columnist replied. "I think we are getting better, but we aren't there yet. It's not fair that your daughter is getting teased and feeling embarrassed for how her body was built, but she also doesn't necessarily have to grin and bear it because she's 'too young.'
"Solutions to these issues should be specific to what an individual child needs, and what you're comfortable with," the columnist added. "And you can teach body acceptance while also buying razors, if that's what you choose now or in the future. All the options are open to you. Hugs to your girl."
Readers felt for the family and wanted to help.
"This is something she likely is going to have to deal with her whole life," one parent wrote. "I am not saying she should feel ashamed, but I do think it would be best to teach her how to take care of it in the future."
Another parent with a similar experience offered this advice: "Kids can be so cruel. Bringing them up to respect others and their property is a step in the right direction. My daughter was taller than anyone else in her classes growing up so she took up for many that were being bullied and would come home telling me what she'd done that day in case the teacher would call I would be up to date on her side of the story."
"In regards to the little girl with dark hair on her arms, I say improve her confidence and teach her the insecure kids tease others, not the ones who are confident and smart," someone else shared. "I say this with my kid who is a bit overweight and has had many comments about it. My kid is in [Brazilian jiu-jitsu] and that has done wonders in creating confidence and self acceptance. Don't change your kid, only open their mind to what really is happening."
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Some commenters think the mom should just remove the hair.
"I think I would have her waxed even at age 7. There is nothing worse than being taunted for having a lot of hair on arms and legs when you are a child," one person wrote. "I had a lot of hair on my arms too and sometimes people would notice it and say something rude. I wore a lot of long sleeved blouses and sweaters. Finally when I got old enough I shaved the hair on my arms or bleached it so it was not so noticeable. The rude comments stopped after that. Let's face it kids can be very, very mean to their peers."
This person had a similar experience and gave a word of caution: "Dear Hairy, I too had the 'too much hair problem' and started waxing my face at about 16. But when I got older and went to a GYN doc, it turned out I had polycystic ovary syndrome, which causes increased hair growth along with other things like insulin resistance. I would definitely ask her doctor to check things out next time she goes. There is treatment for it."
