Even though the holiday season is a lot of fun, it can be stressful too, especially for parents. Now imagine adding a new baby to the holiday extravaganza. The last thing a new parent needs during the holidays is added stress, so it is always nice when family and friends can play nice and abide by their boundaries.
But we all know that not everyone understands boundaries regarding new babies. This seems to be particularly true when it comes to grandparents. Even though their intentions may be good, they are sometimes misguided and cause more trouble.
A man and his wife are expecting a new baby this holiday season and have tried their best to manage family expectations, but not everyone is getting it. He turned to Reddit's AITA forum and asked if he was wrong for telling his parents they couldn't spend Christmas together with the new baby.
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The man and his wife thought his family understood their wishes.
The original poster, aka OP, explained that he and his wife have a son and are expecting a baby in late November. This means they will have a young child and newborn at Christmas, which is exciting but overwhelming. OP's parents spent Christmas with them after their first son was born, but he was 3 months old. Because the baby the baby will be so new, they don't want the added stress.
"This time, I made it clear to my mom that we wanted to have the holidays without any visitors so we could focus on our newly grown family, especially because the newborn period is a very vulnerable time for the mother and I don't want a repeat of last time. She said she understood," he wrote.
But now that the holidays are getting closer, OP's dad doesn't seem to remember the agreement.
OP was talking to his dad recently, and he brought up that he would be seeing the family for Christmas. OP explained that Christmas week was off the table, but a visit another time would be great. Apparently, that wasn't good enough, however.
"He's been p—y lately whenever we talk and saying things like 'the holidays are supposed to be spent with family' and 'you wouldn't keep your in-laws from visiting.' My mom is asking me if we'll reconsider because my dad feels really hurt, and she said I'm a jerk for not even taking it to my wife," he explained.
So, who is wrong?
Redditors were torn.
Many people believed OP's parents needed to respect his wishes.
"You've told them all along visiting over the holidays isn't an option, now he's p—ed the holidays aren't an option. I'd just tell them 'you know what, we'll see you in the new year. I'm tired of fighting over this. I just want my wife to have a peaceful postpartum period and having house guests isn't peaceful,'" someone suggested.
"NTA. And you're the opposite of a jerk for not even taking it to your wife. Because then they'd just blame her. Stay strong and remain clear this is a joint decision, not hers. Love that you're prioritising your immediate family," another person wrote.
Redditors loved OP's devotion to his wife.
"I was shocked to see a husband actually realizing and acknowledging that his wife and new mother had to spend an exhausting moment in her life with her in-laws. Kudos to you for standing up to your parents and putting your family first. This is the most positive post I've read on here all week," someone else commented.
But some people think OP needs to chill.
His family lives far away, and some Redditors thought if they wanted to make the trip, OP should let them.
One Redditor was confused. "The baby is being born around Thanksgiving. OP says they can come and visit anytime between the birth and Christmas but they can't come on Christmas week because she needs to recover? What? That literally makes no sense because she'll be even worse the earlier they come. I'm voting YTA for OP's terrible logic," the person wrote.
Another commenter believed OP needed to think about his parents' feelings.
"Yes, YTA, bigtime. Your parents did how much for you and you can't even see them on Christmas? Good luck when you need help with the baby," the person's comment reads.
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The family needs to make a solid plan.
There were arguments from both sides, with many agreeing that OP and his wife get to set the boundaries. Because the baby will be so young, OP and his parents may need to plan for no guests until after the first of the year. That way, everyone can be rested and into a routine before visitors arrive.
One Redditor made a valid observation and warned that OP needs to be careful.
"Well, here is the $64000 question … will you be spending it with your wife's family? If so, YTA. If not, you're NTA," that person wrote.
