Even in two-parent households, moms are finding that they still lack support when it comes to raising their children. So when Kristin Batykefer found herself getting a divorce, she jumped at the opportunity to live in a place that provided the help she needed. That support just so happened to come from two empty-nesters, Cleta and Ben, who offered both her and her 4-year-old daughter a place to stay indefinitely.
Later, when Batykefer’s longtime friend, Tessa Gilder, also announced she was getting a divorce, the couple opened their home up to her, her 4- and 1-year-olds as well. Now, the two women live in Florida together in what they’ve dubbed a “mommune.”
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The women initially explained their situations on TikTok.
Batykefer took to TikTok to explain the circumstances of her divorce and how she ended up living in a mommune, and it caught quite a few people's attention. The video has since been deleted, but at the time, people filled the comments with messages of support.
Later, Batykefer told Good Morning America, that the word mommune is, “a play on mother and community. It's a community of moms living together under one roof … helping each other raise children together.”
Though Batykefer and Gilder had been friends for years, even living together in college, Gilder had reservations about uprooting her life even further by moving to Florida.
"At first, I was just like, 'No, I'm not. I can't move back to Florida. Like, that's insane. I'm in Colorado,'" Gilder recalled to GMA. "I had a very successful business, a salon that I had opened, and it just kind of felt like I was leaving behind a lot and it was really scary."
Her best friend was skeptical at first.
But the more Gilder weighed the decision, the more she realized she could see the benefits of having a “supportive village.” The two friends represent 10.9 million single parents in the US, according to the US Census Bureau. Around 80% of those parents are mothers.
The mommune option becomes more appealing when you consider the rising costs of everything, from groceries to housing and child care, due to inflation. Living this way has given the two women increased financial safety after their divorces.
"I just felt like I would have that support and that family unit and that village that everybody talks about, like, it takes a village [to raise a child]," Gilder told GMA.
'We just love and support each other,' Batykefer said.
Despite Gilder’s initial hesitancy, the arrangement — three moms, one dad and three kids — has been just what she needed. Cleta and Ben, who are family friends of Batykefer's, help care for the children, everyone contributes to cleaning the home, cooking, and even making coffee for one another in the morning.
“We just love and support each other,” Batykefer told GMA.
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But there are challenges.
Still, living in this unorthodox way comes with a unique set of challenges. "There [are] two 4-year-olds running around and then a 1-year-old baby crying at the same time, and it just can be a lot," Gilder said.
"We all are aware that it's absolute chaos. But also, we're OK and we're grounded and we just help each other ride the roller coaster without it getting too hectic and overstimulating."
'I was reminded that there are good people in this world,' Gilder said.
In addition to the support and the ability to save money, the mommune simply came at the perfect time in both women’s lives.
"In the midst of feeling so alone and so hurt in my situation, I was reminded that there are good people in this world and they just continuously, every day, show up that way," Gilder said. "I feel very fortunate to know them."
"Now I'm like, 'Oh, I don't ever want to give this up for anything ever again,’” Batykefer chimed in. The two women plan to continue living in their mommune, even if they leave Cleta and Ben’s home.
