Brace yourself for this bombshell with my take on extracurricular activities. I let my daughters quit activities when they lose interest. My feeling is that this is going to be a pretty unpopular opinion. Come on internet – you've never let me down before.
Before the smoke bellows from your fingertips and your eyes cross with disgust, I beg you to take a gander at my list of reasons. I took the time to write it, so we might as well.
More from CafeMom: Why Parents Need To Chill Out About Their Kids Doing Extracurriculars
Variety
I have two daughters. Our youngest wants to do everything from karate to gymnastics to underwater basket weaving. The oldest is very hesitant to try new things. In both of these extremes, it's been important to let them explore interests without pressuring them that a year of their life will be invested in this small choice that is supposed to be "fun."
My youngest daughter would never get to experience every activity her heart desires if we made her finish out the whole year of each. The truth is we can't afford several activities. This is our way of getting her options, one activity at a time. If she enjoys the activity we stick with it. The goal is to expose her to as much as we can so she can decide what her passion is.
This has also worked to get my oldest daughter to try things. If she knows that she will not be stuck in an activity that makes her uncomfortable or nervous, she will give it a chance. Even if it's a small chance. I am relieved and proud to say she finally found her thing this year. She is taking singing lessons. It is pure joy for her to sing and she loves putting in the time to practice.
Empowerment
My children need to be able to make choices to remove themselves from situations. One way of reinforcing this is to allow them a say in the activities and duration of the activities that they participate in.
There are plenty of things that we are forced to do, but extracurriculars are "extra." I want my daughters to know the difference between showing up for something that is required and showing up for something because it's what you and your teammates need from you.
When it comes to deciding what steps to take, I need my children to know they can walk away from situations. They need to evaluate if a situation makes them uncomfortable. This is practice for evaluating their feelings and me backing them up.
Quality Time
Call me old-fashioned and make sure you are off my lawn when you do, but I want to spend nights with my children that aren't centered on arguing for them to go to their next activity. Of course, there will be occasional days of disagreement even when they enjoy the activity.
I even have to psych myself up for nights out occasionally, but when it becomes a drag-out disagreement that casts a shadow over the rest of the week, I call the game. We have enough nagging about house chores, homework, and playing with friends. If my child has no passion or talent for an extracurricular activity, I won't force it.
Self-Motivation and Direction
I hope that this approach is also teaching them about personal responsibility. Do they miss karate now that they have moved on? Should they have stuck it out? If so, then we go back to karate but this time with the awareness that the work will be done and then a commitment is needed.
Now that my oldest daughter has found her passion for singing, the practice time is something she enjoys immensely (most days). She has found a great deal of confidence in singing and looks forward to meeting with her singing coach. In previous activities, I saw the opposite happening. She would go to gymnastics for the class and we would leave with her trying to disappear into the back seat.
Of course, I let my daughter quit when she lost interest in that too, and I think I have happier kids for it.
